I stopped networking -- and you should too

Raise your hand if you love to network. If you didn’t raise your hand, you’re among the majority. And for those of you who did, there’s a ninety percent chance that you’re doing it wrong. Too bad on both accounts.

There was a time when I had a love-hate relationship with networking. No more, but that’s only because I don’t network! It’s not what you think.

Networking falls into three categories. The first is where people are just plain uncomfortable. Most tend to avoid it because they don’t know what to say and freeze up. They walk into a room full of people and say, “what am I doing here?”.

The next group leaps at the chance to get in front of strangers. That’s where any goodness ends. The second they meet you a business card is shoved in your hand and they do all the talking. It’s all about them and their company. These people are jerks.

Before we dive into the third category of networkers, let’s see what the first two groups have in common. Both believe networking is defined as making connections with the purpose of advancing their agenda -- sell their product or service, career advancement, or maybe donations for their charity.

This is the wrong way to network. Yet, everyone knows that to grow a business, networking must be included in the mix. So what are we to do?

That’s where the other type of networker comes in. These people have something positive to share and enjoy building relationships. They enjoy networking because they’re not “networking” -- they are helping others and making friends.

Over-defined and ruthless self-promotion. There was a time when networking meant going to conferences, chamber events, and all about meeting people. Now there are organizations founded to just get businesses connected so that they can pass on referrals. You pay a membership fee, sometimes a hefty one, and in many cases get measured on the number of referrals made. Sort of like a forced marriage with quotas. It’s a “taking” environment. In theory the other people in your networking group will act as your virtual sales team as well as buy from your company, except there is no loyalty and few real relationships are established. There aren’t any conversations, just transactions. There are better ways to network and connect.

It’s not who you know, it’s who they know. Meeting new people is always a good idea of course as long as you take a long-term view of networking. Successful networking is an exchange -- ask questions, get feedback, and offer ideas. You get to know each other, and what both companies do. How many times have you met with someone for the first time and asked lots of questions about their background and products, and in return get nothing. No questions. Just a pushy sales pitch. People like this never meet my friends and business sources. Too bad for them since the power of networking is in the time spent getting to know the friends of our friends through referrals.

Relationship networking, not transaction networking. I am stingy with my leads when it comes to strangers. Referrals simply will never happen when people don’t like and trust someone. You should be tightfisted about handing over your business contacts too. I recently came across a new twist on networking that has great possibilities. Based on the idea of real conversations and building real relationships, Make 3 Business Network emphasizes relationship building and loyalty rather than referral churning. This is what networking should be -- relationships that create success for everyone involved. While casual contact with strangers can bear fruit, our friends are much more influential than we are in the circles they travel in. I haven’t joined Make 3 yet and will keep my eye on them.

Magic happens one new friend at a time. The secret is to be genuinely interested in others, even helpful. That’ll get conversations started and help you make new friends: “Tell me more about what you do”, “What kinds of challenges or problems did you encounter while working on that?”, “I’ll send you an article I recently read on that”,” I'd enjoy getting your insight about what it takes to be successful doing what you do." This how you break down barriers and have others care enough about you to (eventually) introduce you to key players in their network. This is networking the easy way. Give to get and make new friends who are more likely to take an interest in your success. Plus, you won’t feel like you need to take a shower after your next networking event!

The goal of networking is not to gather sales leads, but to engage in a conversation that starts a solid business relationship. Great networking finds common ground, is an exchange of ideas, and offers value. That’s the best way to get well connected.

Your time is precious. That’s why the “new” way of networking -- forcing lead and referral gathering -- doesn’t work for most people. So, don’t waste your time and money.

How do you establish the kinds of networking relationships that helps you in business?

Ron Stein is President of FastPath Marketing (www.marketing-strategies-guide.com) and the author of the Rapid Impact Marketing & Selling Playbook. As a speaker, coach, and consultant he works with small business owners helping them to accelerate the path between their vision and the actions needed to reach, win, and keep customers. Ron is the creator of the FastPath to More Customers Now! 7-step marketing system based on more than twenty years as a successful business owner, corporate CEO, business development executive, and salesman. He is also a mentor at two nationally recognized business accelerators. Ron offers one-on-one and small group mentoring, conducts seminars, and consults. He can be reached at 727-398-1855 or Ron@FastPathMarketing.com.