Why managers can never show anger in the workplace

"When anger gets larger and larger, the brain functions less and less."

~ Anonymous

As a manager, you must use all your emotions when managing your staff. For example, when you use humor or empathy, you communicate so much important information about how you are really feeling, and staff likes to be able to read their managers. It allows them to feel as though they understand you and can, in turn, forecast your reactions and behaviors, which gives them confidence.

Think of emotions as windows that allow employees to see things about the manager that cannot always be seen in the words they use. Too often, managers use words that sound great but are not honest, and many employees can see right through them. Managers who do this are not fooling anyone.

A classic example of this is when a manager tells an employee being let go how much they have appreciated his or her efforts over the last five years. Of course this is disingenuous. The words do not align with the emotions the manager is communicating, and the employee can see right through them.

Emotions are an important part of communication, but there is one that managers must avoid showing at all costs. That emotion is anger.

Anger scares people even if it is directed at someone or something else. When faced with an angry person, most people draw the conclusion that the person is out of control. Whether this is true or not, it scares the heck out of people.

It is important to understand I am not saying managers should not get angry. Anger is a natural emotion everyone feels. Every manager will get upset at someone or something in their workplace at some point. The key is learning how to deal with anger in an appropriate way. Effective leaders cannot express anger to those they manage.

The first step to learning how to deal with anger is to understand that emotions do not last forever. They have a beginning and an end. Usually something triggers the anger, which commingles with some element of your history that causes it to intensify.

For example, imagine you have an employee who comes in late on a regular basis, and maybe your parents used to get really angry with you for being late to functions. These experiences combined might cause you to blow up over what is really a relatively trivial matter.

So, the next thing you need to do is be able to recognize the emotion. There is usually very little you can do to stop angry feelings from arising, but you can learn how to alleviate them. You need to be able to recognize anger when it is starting so you can deal with it before it gets to the point where you cannot concentrate on anything else.

One good way to deal with anger is to step away. Get away from the situation and give yourself some time so you do not say the wrong thing or act inappropriately. When I feel that I am getting angry, I just go to a quiet place where I remind myself that it will end and allow myself to process the feeling. Once the anger is abated, I can go back and deal with the problem. That is impossible to do if I am still upset.

Another way to deal with anger is to find an appropriate outlet for it. Several managers I have worked with have told me when anger rears its ugly head, they just excuse themselves from the situation and go out and find a way to fully feel it.

Similarly, when I was working on my dissertation for my Ph.D. and was having all kinds of problems with my dissertation committee, I would go to the YMCA in Atlanta and run around the track. I hate to admit it, but I imagined a committee member’s face under my foot with every step I took. This gave me a chance to feel and process my anger, which in turn, allowed it to dissipate.

Now go out and make sure you are able to recognize when you are getting angry and that you have a positive, safe way to process it.

You can do this.

Dr. Osteryoung has directly has assisted over 3,000 firms. He is the Jim Moran Professor of Entrepreneurship (Emeritus) and Professor of Finance (Emeritus) at Florida State University. He was the founding Executive Director of The Jim Moran Institute and served in that position from 1995 through 2008. His newest book co-authored with Tim O'Brien, "If You Have Employees, You Really Need This Book," is a bestseller on Amazon.com. He can be reached by e-mail at jerry.osteryoung@gmail.com.

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